


i wanted him to look at me

by rosecolcred



Category: Dark (TV 2017)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crushes, Eva Universe, Insecurity, LGBTQ Character, Light Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Unrequited Love, in which bartosz is awkward TM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29546067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosecolcred/pseuds/rosecolcred
Summary: Bartosz pines after Kilian
Relationships: Bartosz Tiedemann/Kilian Obendorf, Martha Nielsen & Bartosz Tiedemann
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	i wanted him to look at me

**Author's Note:**

> i am a sucker for rarepair content, so here we are. dedicated to the big brained dark fans who agree with me that there was something going on with Bartosz and Martha/Kilian in 3x01
> 
> title is inspired by a scene from Stranger Things 3x07

> _ Are we free in what we do _
> 
> _ When we are not free in what we desire? _

Some nights, Bartosz would lie awake for hours, mind racing with thoughts and images he could hardly keep up with. But lately, he’d find himself circling back to the same realm of thoughts, the same images of golden blonde hair and eyes bluer than the ocean. His heart ached longingly, but his blood ran cold with guilt. In the early hours of the night, he couldn’t bring himself to sleep; all he could do was think of  _him_.

And deep down, he knew it was wrong, because Martha Nielsen was his best friend, and what kind of friend would he be if he laid awake in the middle of the night fantasizing about his best friend’s boyfriend? But no matter how much he told himself to stop, told himself he couldn’t feel the way he did, it didn’t keep Kilian’s image out of his mind.

He was completely, hopelessly falling for Kilian Obendorf.

There was just something about him that made him so different from anyone Bartosz had ever met. In fact, Kilian was possibly one of the most interesting people he knew. He and his family had moved to Winden two years ago, which in itself was exciting—people rarely moved into their small town, and no one ever seemed to leave. Martha had met him when he joined the school drama club, and invited him to come sit with their group during their lunch break one day. He and Magnus hit it off immediately, and Bartosz, as usual, sat on the sidelines, quietly observing. But instantly he could tell he would like Kilian; he had a sense of duality to him that made him so unique from anyone else in Winden. He was outgoing and confident, yet he could also be quiet, but not in the way Bartosz was. His reserved nature gave him an edge of mystery—whereas Bartosz just felt awkward, distant.

Most of all, Kilian was the kind of person who was just naturally likable. His presence would cause Bartosz’s heart to swell and a sense of giddy energy to pulsate through his veins, and for a while he thought it was just admiration he was feeling. Kilian was just so  cool ; the fact that he gave someone as shy and unnoticeable as Bartosz the time of day was hardly believable. Maybe his subconscious knew better than to his feelings drift further, knew he didn’t want to make things complicated.

Thinking back, Bartosz knew he had begun to harbor feelings for Kilian long before he started dating Martha, he just hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself. It was easier to deny it back then, when they’d rarely spoken to each other. Bartosz had never  really talked to Kilian then; he’d spoken to him a couple of times, yeah, but he’d never hung out or talked to him outside of when they were with Magnus and Martha. In all honesty, he wouldn’t have known what to say to him anyway—Kilian and him didn’t have anything in common, it seemed like. He was into theatre like Martha, liked hanging out at the skate park and goofing around with Magnus. He was outgoing, but observant, boyish and likable. Bartosz was the quiet kid who no one ever paid attention to; he was lucky he’d become friends with Martha in primary school, or else he feared he wouldn’t have any friends. He’d never expected someone like Kilian to even want to speak to him.

He still remembered the day when things began to change, when he really started to believe that he and Kilian were even friends. He’d been riding his bike to school one morning, alone on the empty street as the cold autumn air swept around him. Lost in his own thoughts and the feeling of the chilly air stinging his cheeks, he hadn’t noticed when another bike pulled onto the street behind him. It wasn’t until he stopped at the traffic light that the other person got his attention.

“Bartosz!”

He had barely recognized the voice coming from behind him. He turned just as another bike stopped bedside his, and then Kilian Obendorf’s tall frame was towering over him. The boy was smiling, looking way too awake at that hour in the morning. “You on your way to the nuthouse too, huh?”

Bartosz blinked, wrinkled his eyebrows.

“School?” Kilian replied, and he immediately felt stupid for not getting his joke.

“Oh.” His lips twitched upwards in a small grin, and he tightened his grip on his handlebars, needing something to do with his hands to calm his nerves. He wasn’t used to talking to someone alone like this, not besides his parents and Martha. When he spoke, he felt himself stuttering. “Y-yeah. I guess so.”

Kilian looked over at the traffic light, then petalled himself forwards. For a moment, Bartosz stood frozen, just watching him take off, before realizing the light had turned green. He scampered back onto the bike, pushing himself forward just as Kilian spoke up: “You coming?”

He nodded, petaling forward so that they were once again side by side. The two headed off towards the school; a silence had fallen over them, but somehow it wasn’t awkward at all. Bartosz was used to not saying much, and something about just being present with the other boy felt so completely natural and just  _ right._

From that day on, he started looking forward to his bike rides to school, looking forward to seeing Kilian. Sometimes his brother Erik would tag along with them, and Bartosz had felt a strange sense of pride when Kilian had introduced Bartosz to his brother—he’d told Erik that Bartosz was his  _ friend_, and the latter’s cheeks had flushed bright pink. So for a while, he’d thought he was just excited that someone even wanted to be friends with him. He liked feeling wanted, liked the fact that Kilian actually paid attention to him.

It wasn’t until Martha and Kilian started dating that he realized he had been lying to himself.

The two got together about a week after Bartosz returned to school. He’d stayed out for a couple of weeks after his mother passed away, and he’d been eager to return back to school. He’d missed his friends, the distraction of their stupid jokes and aimless teasing. Aleksander drove Bartosz to school these days, so he no longer got to ride bikes with Kilian in the morning anymore, but it didn’t matter. He still got to see him and their other friends when he got to school, and, besides, Kilian had moved to a youth home on the other side of town over the summer anyway. Now, there was something about walking into school and finding his friends waiting on him that made him feel warm inside, especially so when he locked eyes with Kilian. But then one day he arrived at school to find Kilian holding Martha’s hand, and another terrible feeling grew inside him on top of the grief. His stomach felt sick watching them whisper to each other and make out in the hallways. He knew it was wrong, that he should be happy for his friends, but he just couldn’t, and that scared him. Suddenly his morning bike rides that he and Kilian used to share made him feel guilty, like he was doing something bad for hanging out with Martha’s to-be boyfriend. As if those bike rides had meant something more than just two friends headed to school together. Maybe, deep down, he had wanted them to mean something more, he’d just never let himself believe it.

It was about a month later when Kilian’s brother went missing. No one had thought much of it, at first; Erik had run off without telling anyone at home many times before, but he always texted his brother about it, and Kilian would usually find him camping out around the caves. When days went by without a trace of the boy, when his parents reported his absence to the police and search parties set out to look for him, Kilian was hit hard—waves of sadness and anger that left a noticeable mark on the young man that was usually so carefree. And Bartosz felt for him, knowing all too well the pain off loss. For once they had something in common, but never had he imagined it would be something like this. He wanted so badly, a longing he’d never felt so strongly before, to comfort him, to let him know that he knew exactly what it felt like to lose someone, and to lose hope that things would ever get better. But that was Martha’s job, wasn’t it? He’d pondered the thought, and suddenly he’d so guilty that he could hardly breath.

It was the same guilt that hit him when he thought about riding bikes with Kilian in the morning, about simply sharing time with the boy that was dating his best friend. And it was all because of a secret that he’d kept buried deep inside, too terrified to truly admit it: he liked Kilian, liked him so much more than just as a friend.

It had taken him by surprise, but in the end it hadn’t been even the slightest bit surprising. Kilian was kindhearted and confident, made Bartosz feel so appreciated whenever he so much as spoke to him. And, in all honesty, he was cute, too; he didn’t want to admit it, but he’d found Kilian attractive for a long, long time. Tall and strong and gorgeous blonde hair, it was no wonder Martha had taken interest in him, and no wonder he had either. It’d been a while since Bartosz had felt this way for someone, not since his preteen years when he first started having feelings for boys in his class.

He wanted Kilian, wanted him to be more than just a friend. He wanted every inch of him, all the good and the bad, all the baggage he kept buried deep down under a thick layer of suave confidence.

He’d felt like crying when he finally admitted it to himself. He wanted Kilian to like  _ him, _to look at him the way he looked at Martha. But Kilian only thought of him as a friend, someone to talk to on the way to school and ditch the moment his girlfriend showed up. And he felt so, so guilty watching the two of them together. Why couldn’t Kilian hold _his_ hand? Why couldn’t Kilian kiss  _ him _ between classes?

Whenever they kissed each other in the morning, he’d catch himself staring, longing for what his best friend had, and hating himself for not feeling happy for her. This morning, he’d already been nervous about the presentation he had to give in class, and watching them embrace each other wasn’t helping. He glanced down after realizing how long he’d been watching them, mouth agape as he tried to conjure up something to say to Kilian once he and Martha were no longer interlocked.

“Is there any news on Erik?” The words came out before he could stop himself. He’d wanted to let Kilian know that he still cared about him, that he actually thought about his brother and the situation they were in. But as soon as he spoke, he realized he’d blurted it out before Kilian and Martha were done kissing. When Kilian turned and shook his head, he looked annoyed, and Bartosz realized he’d interrupted their moment and completely killed the mood. He let Kilian step ahead of him, falling behind as his friends walked on without even noticing if he was following them.  _ Why are you so stupid? _

He tried not to pay attention to the way Martha and Kilian’s hands fit together, swinging back and forth as they walked in front of him. He forced the curious thoughts about what it would feel like to have Kilian’s hand clasped in his away. Instead he looked up, listening to the voice coming from the overhead speakers in the hallway. The school principal—Magnus and Martha’s mother—was announcing an emergency meeting in the auditorium, likely about the disappearance of Erik.

Magnus spoke up, saying what he had been thinking. “It’ll be about your brother.”

The group stopped at an open area of the hallway, and Bartosz slid into place between the two siblings. He glanced up at Kilian, noticing the worried look on his face as they waited for him to respond.

“It’s been two weeks already,” he said finally. “He’s never been away this long. He’d always send me a message whenever he couldn’t stand it at home anymore. But this time... nothing.”

Bartosz tried to think of something to say, fidgeting with the notecards in his hands, but, like Martha and Magnus, he couldn’t think of anything. There was really nothing to say that could make the other boy feel better about the situation. It was all so strange, and he could tell how much it was bothering Kilian. He’d seen how close the two brothers were during their bike rides to school, seen how protective Kilian was of Erik.

He remembered one of the times when Erik had left home. He didn’t accompany his brother on his ride to school, and Kilian had explained the situation to Bartosz, needing to get it off his chest. He already knew about the financial issues the Obendorfs were dealing with; the fact that Kilian’s dad used a majority of their money to invest in his drug cartel was something that was whispered about in the hallways at school. But Kilian had told him all about how Erik had taken up dealing drugs with their father to try and help make them some extra cash, and Kilian hated that his father let him go through with it. His brother was only 14 at the time, too young to be dealing drugs and too young to be worried about providing for their family, Kilian had said. He left home for a couple nights when the pressure became too much, or when he got sick of Kilian and his father’s arguments, skipping school until he felt too guilty to stay gone any longer.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m more of his father than our actual dad is,” Kilian had said. Bartosz hadn’t really known what to say about it all. He knew about Mr. Obendorf working part-time for his father, and he’d overheard late-night phone conversations between the two that he definitely wasn’t supposed to be listening in on about Kilian’s father doing  _ something _ for his dad in exchange for money. He had been terrified Kilian had known about this too, but he seemed to trust Bartosz when he told him about his problems, so either he didn’t know or he didn’t care. Bartosz didn’t want to ask to find out.

He glanced over at Erik’s missing person poster taped to the school wall, lost in his thoughts, and noticed his friends had walked off without him. He quickly turned and rushed forward to catch up with them. He couldn’t help but frown to himself. Not even two months ago, they’d acted so excited to see him back at school, and now it was like he didn’t even exist. But maybe that was his fault for always being in his own head.

“Well, a black hole... forms when a central region collapses upon itself.”

Bartosz looked up from where he’d been staring down at the notecards in his hands. He tried his best not to pay attention to the eyes of all his classmates glued onto him, instead just staring out ahead towards the back of the room. He did look over at Martha and Kilian, though. Martha was doodling in her notebook, not paying the least bit attention. Maybe some would have found it rude, but he was comforted by the thought of one less person watching him inevitably screw up his presentation. His eyes drifted over to Kilian, sitting next to his girlfriend. Their eyes met immediately; Kilian was watching him intently, straight-faced and focused, his lips slightly tilted down in an unconscious frown. For a moment, Bartosz could have sworn he saw his lips twitch, as he was going to smile, but it was gone in a second. He blinked back down at his notes, squeezing the card stock paper to try and keep his hands from shaking.

He desperately tried to keep his voice from trembling as he continued on, talking about neutrons and figures that hardly made any sense. He could practically feel how bored all his classmates must have been.

“And that’s a black hole...” He blinked. That didn’t sound right; did he mix his notecards up?  _ Fuck_.

His mind went blank as he tried to remember what he was supposed to say next, but at that moment the door creaked, and he immediately looked over at it. A boy walked in, hardly regarding him or their teacher as he stared out across the classroom, his gaze seemingly set on someone in particular. Bartosz felt his stomach turn at the sight of him; he was covered in dirt and filth, clothes baggy and worn, and somehow Bartosz felt a nauseating sense of deja-vu from looking at him, as if he knew him from somewhere, though he was certain he’d never seen him before in his life.

“Can I help you,” his teacher spoke up behind him, but the boy didn’t respond, as if lost in a trance by whatever or whoever he was staring at. “Hello? Are you new?”

Finally he turned back to the teacher. “I’m Jonas.”

“Are you sure this is your class?” their teacher asked, while Bartosz continued to gape at him, unable to draw his eyes away. The boy looked back at him for a moment, too, an equally stunned look on his face. Bartosz noticed then the scar wrapping around the boy’s neck, faded red indentations that appeared to have come from a rope. His stomach turned at the sight of it.

“I wasn’t notified of any new students.”

Jonas glanced back out towards the class, and Bartosz tried to follow his eyes to see what he was staring so intensely at. Martha was sitting up, her attention caught now, too, and she squirmed awkwardly. Bartosz flicked his eyes between her and the boy; Jonas was staring right at her, an unreadable expression on his face.

The boy moved forward, brushing past Bartosz. “A signature was missing,” he said, then stalked towards the back of the classroom and took a seat at one of the empty tables without another word.

“Okay,” their teacher muttered, breaking the deafening silence that had fallen over the room. Bartosz looked over in his direction, chewing on the inside of his lip. The man held out his hand, gesturing towards him. “Bartosz, please continue.”

He hummed in confirmation, slowly turning back to face the class. His eyes lingered on the strange boy for a moment; he was still staring suspiciously in Martha’s direction.

Bartosz swallowed, forcing himself to focus back on his notes. “So, we have a black hole. And it has a huge gravitational pull.”

He tried not to think too hard, just reading off the words on his notecards that he’d been memorizing all morning.

“Everything flying around the hole is drawn to it.” Like a moth to a light, or that Jonas boy to Martha for whatever reason.  _ Like him to Kilian . _

_ Stop thinking about him, you idiot. _

“Nothing can escape once it’s inside. Basically, no one knows what’s behind it. Maybe nothing, or maybe a new world. A world in which nothing is as it is in ours.”

His mind couldn’t help but wonder as he heard his own words. Maybe a world existed where Kilian was  _ his _ boyfriend. Or a world were things were less complicated, where he wasn’t attracted to boys in the first place.

Certainly things would be a lot easier in that world.

After class, Bartosz stood out in the hallway, Kilian stepping up beside him. Martha was always slower to pack up than them, and the two had taken to waiting for her in the hall rather than standing around in the tiny classroom.

“Hey,” Kilian said. “You did good.” He nudged his arm against Bartosz’s, sending a jolt of electricity through his body.

Bartosz shook his head. “You’re lying, but... thanks.”

Kilian mock glared at him. “I’m not lying. I mean it; you did really well.”

Bartosz couldn’t help but beam slightly. He stared down at his feet, a dopey grin forming on his lips. Beside him, Kilian frowned.  “What’s taking her so long?”

Bartosz looked back up as Kilian stepped away to go check on Martha. He almost wanted to speak up, but he kept his mouth shut. It made sense for Kilian to want to make sure everything was alright with his girlfriend, but still he couldn’t help but be a little disappointed that he wasn’t content just waiting out in the hall with Bartosz a little longer. It was selfish, he knew, but he couldn’t stop the thought from lingering in his mind.

A few moments later, Kilian was returning with Martha by his side. He took hold of her hand, and the trio started off towards their next classes.

“I was thinking,” Kilian said after a moment. “I want to go down to the caves. Just to check it out.”

Martha frowned. “Because of your brother?”

Kilian nodded. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since the investigation began; what if... what if they missed something, you know?” He turned his head from side to side, looking at Martha and then at Bartosz. “I want to go tonight.”

“Not alone, right?” Bartosz blurted out. The thought of something happening to Kilian instantly came to his mind. What if whoever took Erik was lurking down by the cave, waiting to snatch up the next kid who decided to venture into the woods?

But Kilian shook his head. “I mean... I was thinking if you guys wanted to come with me...”

“I’m down,” Martha said, hardly letting him finish his sentence. The couple glanced over at Bartosz, who fidgeted with the straps of his backpack.

“My dad’s working late tonight, so... I can probably come, too.”

The sight of Kilian’s face lighting up as soon as he said it made his heart flutter. He actually wanted Bartosz to come along, not just Martha. He knew his desire to be wanted by someone was childish and dumb, but he couldn’t help but feel overwhelmingly happy that Kilian seemed to genuinely enjoy his presence. Shy, awkward Bartosz Tiedemann—Kilian wanted him around.

There was no way he was missing tonight.

Cold air bit at his cheeks as he petaled his bicycle down the street. The night sky was clear above, and light from the passing streetlights illuminated the road in front of him. The air was filled with a dead silence as he rode alone through the street; he tried to focus on that instead of the nervous pounding of his heart, the thought of seeing Kilian again making him stupidly giddy like a little kid on Christmas Eve.

Though, with the silence leaving him alone with his thoughts, a sense of self-doubt began to creep into his mind, shifting his train of thought. He already pondered time after time about how secretly horrible of a friend he was being to Martha, and this time was no different. But beyond that, despite the fact that his best friend was dating the boy he had feelings for, he knew deep down that none of his jealous desires mattered. Because at the end of the day, Kilian was infatuated with Martha, and even if he wasn’t, or even if he was interested in guys, too, he would never like someone like Bartosz.

_ It’s hopeless; you haven’t got a chance, _he told himself, a twisted means of staying grounded. All the excitement over seeing Kilian began to turn sour as he absentmindedly picked at every tiny flaw about himself that he could find, all the things he was self-conscious about deep down. How he never seemed to know how to actually talk to Kilian to get him to pay attention to him, how he was always the quiet one, the odd one out open their friend group. And then smaller, pettier things, like the sound of his voice and the way he looked.  _ Your chubby face and big nose, and...  fuck, you’re so short, barely any taller than Martha. You’re so small, and skinny, and so awkward... _

He slammed the brakes of his bike, forcing himself to a halt. He inhaled the freezing November air, letting it burn his lungs to distract his racing mind. A tight, stinging feeling was building behind his eyes, and he swiped away tears angrily. This was stupid; he was supposed to be looking forward to tonight, damn it. He breathed in and out, clenching and unclenching his fists.  _Everything is okay_ , he told himself, hearing his mother’s voice in his head.

Finally he sat back up onto his bicycle, petaling himself forward, keeping his focus on the road ahead of him. Before he knew it, the bridge where his friends were meeting at came into view, and he noticed Magnus and his girlfriend standing by their bikes. His hands were moving carefully as they spoke to each other in sign language, and she laughed at something he signed. Magnus glanced up as Bartosz slowed his bike to a stop and raised his hand in a wave. Bartosz leaned his bike against the railing of the bridge and stepped over to them.

“Hey,” Magnus said to him, slipping his hands into his pockets.

“Hey,” he said back, and lifted his hand to wave at Franziska when she turned towards him. The girl grinned, waving back at him.

“Martha’s already at the train tracks,” Magnus explained, nodding towards the other girl’s bicycle where it was leaning against the bridge. Bartosz nodded in response, following the couple as they walked hand-in-hand around the outer edge of the bridge landing. As they descended the hill down to the train tracks below, Bartosz could hear a voice that didn’t sound like either Martha’s or Kilian’s. Reaching the bottom of the hill, Bartosz’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of his friend and the weird boy from their class earlier today.

Magnus let go of his girlfriend’s hand, stepping towards the boy and Martha. “Who is this?” he asked his sister.

Jonas looked even more confused than he had this morning. “Where’s Mikkel?”

Magnus cocked an eyebrow. “Mikkel?”

“Mikkel isn’t with you?” Jonas continued, blinking over at Bartosz and Franziska for a second. Franziska turned to Bartosz, an eyebrow raised. He shrugged, and the two of them glanced back at Jonas, eyes wide in curiosity.

Magnus snickered. “Are you blind or something?”

The conversation came to a momentary halt as the sound of leaves cringing behind them caught the group’s attention. Kilian was stepping over to where they were, taking obvious notice to the unexpected addition.

“What’s he doing here?” He looked over to Martha. “Did you bring him along?” Martha shook her head swiftly.

“What is this?” Magnus spoke up again, stepping closer towards Jonas. Bartosz glanced back and forth between the the two boys nervously, feeling the rising tension. “How do you know my brother?”

“This... this can’t be,” Jonas responded, voice rising frantically. “You took him with you. Heide, the babysitter is sick, and he didn’t want to stay home alone, so he came along.”

Magnus’s confused look began to morph into a glare as he shook his head. “I have no idea what the fuck this is, but Mikkel is old enough to look after himself. Now, you’d better fuck off.” Jonas hardly moved a muscle. “Get lost, freak!”

Slowly the boy started to back away, looking down as if he was thinking hard about something. Bartosz felt a pant of guilt in his stomach. Magnus had been kind of harsh, but he wasn’t about to step up in this boy’s defense, especially not after his creepy inquires about Magnus’s little brother.

“Come on,” Magnus called as he walked off towards the woods. Franziska quickly followed him, and Bartosz trailed behind her, not before taking one final look at Jonas. The sense of familiarity he’d felt earlier was still just as strong, but he pushed the thought aside as he followed Magnus’s lead into the forest.

Kilian and Martha soon caught up with them, and the two taller boys howled playfully.Bartosz smiled at the two of them, then decided to swallow his own nervousness and cupped his hands around his mouth, letting out a wolf’s cry of his own. Kilian looked back at him as their howling filled the silence of the woods, sending a smile in his direction. The look on his face was enough to make Bartosz’s heart melt with joy.

The group walked in mostly silence as they headed towards their destination of the infamous Winden cave, the two couples holding hands and Bartosz following alone from a short distance behind.

“Why did he act like he knew you?” Kilian spoke to Martha after a moment, and Bartosz could hear their conversation about the boy they’d encountered at the train tracks from where he was walking. He felt his gaze falling on the couple, even when he tried to look elsewhere. He couldn’t help but let his eyes linger on the outline of the taller boy’s body, and the way the the two’s hands fit together. He instantly looked down at his feet, feeling painfully guilty.

He decided to say something during an particularly awkward silence to try and avert his own attention. “Did you guys know Nostradamus predicted the world would end this year?”

Magnus snorted. “What a load of crap.”

“No, really!” He quickly moved forwards, stepping pass the two couples to look over at Magnus. He felt himself growing defensive; Martha’s brother was  _ not _ about to make him look stupid in front of Kilian. “The apocalypse is practically around the corner.”

Without thinking, he looked back, eyes darting up at Kilian. Kilian was looking at him too, their eyes meeting, and he glanced away again, the weight of they boy’s gaze on his growing all too heavy.

Magnus, still caught up in his joking, smirked. “Glad I got myself a girlfriend with her own bunker.”

Franziska signed something to him curiously. He tried to tell her it was nothing, but she smacked him against his chest, causing him to cry out dramatically. Bartosz found himself chuckling silently at the two of them.

Neither Martha nor Kilian said anything, and Bartosz instantly felt like an idiot.  _ How are fun facts about impending doom going to impress him? _ He felt his face growing flushed, lucky that the cold air had already caused his cheeks to turn pink beforehand.

They continued their trek to the cave in near silence, nothing but the crunch of leaves and twigs beneath their feet and the echoing chirps of crickets filling the air. Bartosz felt a presence beside him and looked to his side to see Kilian walking closer to him. Martha had let go of his hand and was following behind them from a short distance, taking in the scenery of the forest.

“Sometimes it feels like they didn’t even try to find Erik,” Kilian said. Bartosz didn’t respond at first, figuring he was talking to Magnus, but when the other boy didn’t say anything either, he caught on to the way Kilian’s voice had gone quieter than usual. He glanced up to see him looking over at him, and instantly felt goosebumps rising on the back of his neck.

“What—“ he stuttered. “What do you mean?”

Kilian looked down at his feet, lips pursed firmly. “It’s just... the fact that it’s been two weeks and the police have barely found any evidence. It just doesn’t seem right.”

Bartosz glanced down at his shoes, trying his hardest to come up with something to say. “Yeah,” he murmured. “It’s... pretty weird.”

Kilian shrugged his shoulders, staring out ahead of them. “I’ll just feel better after I see for myself what’s out there, I think. I know my brother; if there’s some sign of him, I’ll be able to tell.”

The sight of the Winden Cave’s cavernous opening came into view. Magnus and Franziska lead the way closer, shining their flashlights into the mouth of the cave.

“And you’ll think you’ll find something here?” Bartosz asked. He shone his flashlight towards a pair of dingy armchairs seated on a hill by the cave.

“Erik sometimes spends nights here in the summer,” Kilian explained. Bartosz wondered if the two chairs meant Kilian used to hang out with him here. For a moment, he imagined him and Kilian sitting in the armchairs together, alone from the world. He shook the thought from his mind; this was about Erik, not his stupid date fantasies.

“Maybe the police overlooked something,” Kilian continued, staring cautiously into the mouth of the cave.

In front of them, Magnus snickered. “Have you heard the story of the cave monster?”

Kilian rolled his eyes, clearly not in the mood for joking around. “Spare us the bullshit, man.”

Magnus spun around to face him, eyes wide and a devilish grin on his face. “It’s not bullshit.” He shone his flashlight on his face, lowering his voice as if he were telling a ghost story. “Some 100 years ago, just after World War I, they did experiments in there.” Bartosz dipped his head, unable to hide the grin that spread across his face at the boy’s antics.

Martha interrupted her brother before he could keep going with his story. “What kind of experiments?” She looked completely unamused.

A rustling noise suddenly sounded from behind, catching the group’s attention. “What was that?” Martha hissed.

Bartosz instinctively glanced over at Kilian, but the boy was staring straight past him at the musty armchairs on the hill. He blinked for a second, thinking, and then stepped across the pathway to investigate. As he walked past him, Bartosz felt his eyes lingering on Kilian’s tall, lean frame. He climbed up the hill, shining his flashlight onto the armchairs. At that point, Bartosz was nearly zoned out of the situation completely; just glancing ahead of him, his gazing eyes were directly aligned with Kilian’s ass. He had fallen into a complete daze, pupils fully dilated as he gawked at the way the boy’s jeans fit snugly against his butt and his thighs. He didn’t even register that the others might be watching him stare at Martha’s boyfriend; he hardly even breathed.

Before he could come to his own senses, a thunderous sound came from deep inside the cave, and the entire group jumped, turning to face the cave. Even Franziska had noticed; the ground beneath them shook as the noise howled.

Magnus swore under his breath, and another noise sounded, like something large being dropped or a heavy door slamming. It sounded like it was getting closer, whatever it was that was inside the cave.

“What is that?!” Magnus asked, voice shaking in fear. One by one, their flashlights started flickering, a sporadic light show ignited by the force in the cave.

“Fuck,” Martha swore. “What’s going on?”

“Go!” her brother exclaimed. “Run!”

Bartosz inched backwards, but stopped when he saw Kilian leaning towards him.

“What’s with the flashlights?” the taller boy asked him, but he was interrupted but Magnus shouting out another command for the group to get out of there. He and Franziska took off, the boy yelling for them to follow suit. Martha stood frozen, staring at the cave with wide eyes, and Kilian quickly stepped across the pathway to take her by the arm.

“Martha, come on!” he said, and the two of them sprinted off with Bartosz towards the couple ahead. The group barreled through the forest, away from whatever horror waited behind. Bartosz was sure he’d never ran so fast in his life, but he kept his eyes locked on the flash of red hair in front of him, following behind Franziska as she and Magnus lead the way through the winding trees.

A startled cry sent them lurching to a stop. “Martha?!” Kilian exclaimed, and Bartosz turned around, spotting the boy frantically pointing his flashlight through the woods. “Where’s Martha?”

“Fuck!” Magnus huffed breathlessly, following Kilian as the boy ran off in the opposite direction. Bartosz and Franziska shared a worried look before following behind them.

It took a good several minutes before Bartosz noticed a blur of yellow deeper in the woods. Magnus spotted it too, shining his flashlight in that direction. “It’s Martha! Over there!”

As they jogged towards her, Martha was looking around, her back to them. Kilian ran ahead of the other three towards his girlfriend. She whipped around right as he stood behind her, breathing erratically, and stared up at him before taking his extended hand in hers. She looked horrified, like she’d seen something terrible, but there wasn’t time to dwell on it; they had to get out of there. Bartosz felt his heartbeat settle only for a moment, and the group took off again, once again being led by Magnus and Franziska.

“The bunker!” Magnus shouted as they approached a detour. “The Doppler’s bunker; it’s this way.”

He pointed out towards a winding pathway cutting through the trees and ran towards it before anyone could interject. The bunker was in a completely different direction than the bridge where their bikes were, but if whatever was at the cave was following them, it could potentially shield it off.

Bartosz ran faster, blood pumping and heartbeat pounding in his ears. He followed behind Franziska, who had managed to get ahead by a good distance as they escaped the woods and rounded a sharp corner towards a ratty looking wooden shack. Franziska ran towards her boyfriend, who was pulling back the door to an underground bunker nearby. Bartosz clambered down the stairway behind her, trying not to trip over his feet. Finally they reached the inside of the shelter, completely out of breath and drenched in sweat. Their flashlights were still flickering nonstop and so was the lightbulb dangling overhead. When Kilian, Martha, and Magnus had gotten inside, the latter slammed the door shut and locked it, hovering at Franziska’s side. The walls around them seemed to shake, and the lights on the walls screeched as they flickered before suddenly coming to an abrupt halt. The small overhead lightbulb and the wall lights barely lit the inside of the bunker, bright enough to illuminate the dust particles floating in the air.

Bartosz clenched and unclenched his fist, gritting his teeth and breathing heavily. He looked to Kilian for reassurance, a sudden gut reaction. “Is it over?”

“I think so,” the other boy replied, looking him in the eye. His gaze was strong and soothing, and for a moment Bartosz felt his nerves starting to calm before the group’s attention was caught by a low, growling noise that sounded too close to come from whatever may have chased them from the caves. Bartosz blinked, staring in awe as an unidentifiable black shape appeared out of thin air, like a rift in time. It expanded, stretching out across the air, shimmering with light around the edges.

“What is that?” Magnus asked breathlessly as the four teenagers gaped at the mysterious entity before them. Slowly they backed away from it, when, all of a sudden, something fell from the opening and landed on the ground with a loud thud. Bartosz jumped back in surprise, pressing himself against the wall; what lay on the floor of the bunker was a child’s body.

“Fuck!” Kilian hissed, shining his flashlight towards the corpse. There was a gruesome burn mark across the child’s face, stretching from his ears across where his eyes would have been. His dark hair was coated with dried blood, and his face had specks of dirt smudged on it.

A chilling silence fell over the group, nothing but the sound of their panting breathes to be heard. Martha shakily moved towards the body and knelt down in front of it, Magnus swearing repeatedly. “Is he... is he dead?” he asked.

“Yeah, I think so.” She winced, reaching for the name tag fastened around his neck. Her hands trembled as she pulled the leather tag away from his chest to read it.

Pressed against the corner of the wall, Bartosz glanced over at Kilian. He was leaning over Martha slightly, but shifted his weight back and forth between his feet as if he didn’t want to get too close. He was close enough that Bartosz could reach out and grab his hand, and if it wouldn’t make things weird he absolutely would; he was shaking in horror, needing desperately to hold onto something to steady himself. His stomach churned as the putrid scent of the dead body started to fill the air.

He swallowed hard, willing himself not to throw up all over Kilian, and forced himself to speak. “Who... who is that?”

Martha’s voice stuttered as she read aloud the name on the tag: “Mads Nielsen.”

Martha glanced back at her brother, whose face grew dark. “Fuck,” he muttered. “We’ve gotta call Papa.”

Bartosz stood leaning against the back wall of the Doppler’s cabin, wringing his hands nervously as he watched the scene before him; members of the Winden Police Department had arrived nearly half an hour ago, and currently Mr. Nielsen was speaking to his two children, a frantic, distraught look on his face. Bartosz didn’t know much about their family’s history, but Martha had quickly explained to him and Kilian how their father’s brother, Mads, had gone missing 33 years ago, much like Kilian’s own brother. The boy who’d appeared in the bunker seemed to resemble their late uncle, but it was impossible for him to be here, over 30 years in the future without having aged a day. Bartosz’s mind kept circling back to what had happened that night; he was beginning to wonder if what they’d all witnessed had truly happened, or if it was just a figment of his imagination. It was like the dead boy had traveled through time, but that sort of thing was impossible, right? With the strange noises at the cave, and the mysterious boy that had showed up at school that day, he wasn’t sure what he believed.

He could hear someone approaching him, and lifted his head find Kilian stepping towards him. The taller boy had his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket, and his cheeks were tinged pink from the late autumn air. “Hey. You okay?”

Bartosz nodded slowly. “Yeah. Just... thinking.”

Kilian nodded in response, mirroring his movements. Neither of them said anything for a moment, not particularly keen on discussing all that had happened tonight.

After a moment, Kilian perked up. “I was going to text my dad to come pick me up, and I was wondering if maybe... you needed a ride home?”

Bartosz blanked for a second before Kilian continued. “I know you said your dad was working late. And my dad’s got a van, so we could take your bike home too.”

“Oh, um... sure,” Bartosz stuttered. “Thanks.”

Kilian smirked, pulling out his phone to contact his father, and Bartosz glanced back over at Martha and Magnus. Their father was off speaking to some of the other officers, and Franziska had made her way over to her boyfriend, leaving Martha standing awkwardly to the side. She looked up, making eye contact with Bartosz, and after a moment he began walking in her direction. The closer he approached her, the more exhausted he could tell she looked.

“Everything okay?” he asked, feeling instantly stupid for asking.

Martha shrugged. “Not really. No one can seem to figure out shat happened.” She sighed, annoyed. “And I can tell my dad either doesn’t believe Magnus and I, or he thinks we’re insane.”

Bartosz frowned, glancing over Martha’s shoulder at Mr. Nielsen, who was standing oddly close to Fransiska’s mother as the two police officers talked.

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking back at his friend, “that this had to happen to your family.”

Martha gave a halfway attempt at a grin, before lunging forward and throwing her arms around his shoulders. She buried her face against his scarf, muffling her voice against the thick fabric. “Thank you.”

Bartosz rubbed at her back awkwardly, trying to think of something to say. The sound of approaching footsteps caught both his and Martha’s attention, who slowly pulled away. Her eyes were watery, and she quickly swiped at them with the palm of her hand.

“My dad’s on his way,” Kilian spoke up from where he now stood at Bartosz’s side. He looked forward at Martha. “You sure you don’t need a ride home?”

The girl shook her head. “No, my mom’s coming to get me and Magnus in a little bit.” She shot Bartosz a questioning look.

“Oh,” he mumbled. “Um, Kilian’s dad is going to drive me home, too.”

Martha nodded, and even thought he knew it meant nothing, he still couldn’t help but feel guilty for telling Martha that he was going to be leaving her to ride home with  _ her boyfriend. _

As the three of them waited for their parents to arrive, they tried their hardest not to talk about supernatural caves or potentially time-traveling corpses. Eventually Jürgen Obendorf’s dingy white van pulled into the dirt pathway leading up the cabin, and Bartosz and Kilian waved the others goodbye, the latter giving his girlfriend a kiss on the forehead before heading off. When they’d made their way over to Mr. Obendorf’s van, Kilian opened the passenger door, and Bartosz could immediately feel the weight of his father’s eyes on him.

“I told Bartosz we could drive him home,” Kilian explained. He said it so surely that his father couldn’t bother to argue with him, with a sense of confidence beyond what Bartosz was even used to seeing in his friend. Mr. Obendorf stared at his son for a moment, then nodded and gestured for them to get in.

Kilian climbed into the front of the van, sliding over to sit in the middle seat next to his father. It was when Bartosz sat in the passenger seat beside him that he realized how small the front interior of the van was, so much so that Kilian’s thigh was touching his as they sat side-by-side. Bartosz clasped his hands together over his lap and tried not to blush, a shiver running up his spine at the other boy’s touch.

“Bartosz’s house isn’t that far from ours,” Kilian explained. Bartosz stayed silent, the warmth from Kilian’s body being so close to his causing his stomach to flutter and his heart beat faster.

Mr. Obendorf nodded his head at his son’s instructions, appearing to be in thought, before leaning forward to look over at Bartosz again. “You’re Aleksander’s kid, aren’t you?”

“Yes sir,” he replied, unable to hide the nervous stutter in his voice. He felt the tips of his ears growing warm.

The rest of the ride was fairly quiet. Mr. Obendorf occasionally asked about Aleksander and the power plant; Bartosz held his breath and hoped the small talk wouldn’t last long. They stopped at the bridge to load the boys’ bikes into the trunk of the van, then headed off towards the Tiedemann’s home. Bartosz immediately noticed when they turned onto the road he and Kilian used to take when they rode their bikes to school together.

Eventually they pulled into the driveway of Bartosz’s house, and he immediately felt a weird, uneasy feeling. On one hand, he was still incredibly anxious, both from the events of the night and from Kilian’s thigh pressed against his. But on the other hand, he’d wished the ride home had lasted longer, because now he had to leave Kilian to step into an empty house, with no tall, blue-eyed boy there to keep him company. He bit the inside of his lip, feeling stupidly guilty again.

Bartosz opened the car door with shaky hands and hopped out. He turned to thank Mr. Obendorf for the ride home, but he didn’t expect Kilian to follow him out of the van. The taller boy stepped around to the back of the van to help him get his bike out.  Of course, Bartosz thought, just then realizing what he was doing. He’d been too caught up in his head to remember that there was no way he was able to get his bike out of the trunk on his own without struggling, being considerably shorter and less strong than Kilian. He blushed, but the cold air turning his face pink once again covered it up.

As Kilian pulled Bartosz’s bike towards the edge of the trunk, Bartosz reached up to help him, and the two placed the bicycle down onto the ground. For a moment they just stood there, both still holding onto the bicycle, and Kilian smiled down at Bartosz. Kilian pulled his hands away from the bike, and his fingers brushed over Bartosz’s as he did so. Bartosz’s breath hitched, and his fingers twitched with the phantom sense of the other boy’s warm, calloused hand on his.

“Well,” Kilian said. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah,” Bartosz replied breathlessly. “Um, thank you for the ride home.”

Kilian’s lips stretched into a smug grin on his face, and his slipped his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “Of course.”

The stood there for a moment, before Bartosz realized that he should probably move, and he began to push his bike over towards the garage, glancing back at Kilian quickly as he did so. He keyed in the passcode to open the garage door, and turned back towards Mr. Obendorf’s van. Kilian was climbing into the passengers seat, and he waved at Bartosz through the window. Bartosz lifted his hand to wave back.

He slipped his bike into the garage and closed the door, watching the tires of Mr. Obendorf’s van to push forward as the garage door lowered. Bartosz quickly walked into the house and headed for the kitchen, where he switched on the lights and stepped over to the window above the sink. He could see Kilian’s blonde hair illuminated by the lights in his father’s van, and he watched the silhouette of his friend grow smaller as they pulled out of the driveway.

Bartosz ran a thumb over the top of his hand, a warm grin forming on his lips; he swore he could still feel the warmth of Kilian’s skin against his.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic so i’m literally so nervous lmao but i hope it’s okay??


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